There would be times na umiiral ang pagka-masokista ko and instead of taking the P20, 2-ride trip home from my school, I would opt to take the P10 1-ride and 2,000-step trip home. When I would ask myself: “Bakit ka ba kasi nagpapakapagod maglakad!?” Myself would rationalize by saying “Para makatipid.” But I know for sure that there’s a deeper reason. Well, I guess, I just like pushing myself to the limits. As illogical, unreasonable and stupid as it may sound, I would often bring only P20 going to school. P10 papunta; P10 pabalik – that way, wala akong magiging choice kundi maglakad (eh wala na ‘kong pamasahe eh). It is somewhat a way of teaching myself discipline.
However, one time, it seemed that I underestimated what a day could bring: had my duty from 8A-6P; pagod; gutom; uhaw; walang pera pambili ng pagkain at tubig; kinakailangan pang manghiram ng napakabigat na libro sa library; nakauwi na ang mga kaklase; walang load para magpasundo; walang telepono para makatawag sa bahay. Ang tanging meron ako: dalawang limang pisong barya – saktong pamasahe pauwi. Sa aking kauhawan, sumagi sa isip ko for one second na ipambili na lamang ito ng Sarsi at mag-wantutri (1-2-3) sa jeep. Pero gayunpaman, simula ng naging Christian na ko, and pag-wantutri became an impossible option.
Sumakay ako sa jeep at ibinigay ang nag-iisang dalawang barya ko sa drayber. “Boss, Cubao po, estudyante” ang sabi ko. Pagdating sa babaan, oras na para maglakad. Bigla akong nakaramdam ng panghihina nang maisip ko ang layo ng aking lalakarin. Lalo itong nadagdagan ng maalala ko ang aking twenty-pound bag and ten-pound book na dala-dala (seriously, I weighed them). Bumuntong-hininga ako and took my first step.
Now, in order to encourage me, Myself told me: “Sige lang, lakad lang nang lakad, mararating mo rin yan.” I immediately understood what Myself was trying to say (that’s why I love talking to myself). He made me realize: “Oo nga noh, one step takes you closer to your goal. Truth is, it doesn’t matter that much how close it takes you. What matters is that it makes you closer. Closer than before, closer than the minute ago, closer than yesterday, closer than last year. If you’ll focus on the length of the journey, chances are, you may get tired without actually getting tired (gets?). But taking it one step at a time takes you closer and closer, and closer, at hanggang sa hindi mo mamalayan- AYUN! Nandun ka na! You just need to savor every step.” I really got encouraged by this, and true enough, as I was enjoying each step, hindi ko namalayan, nasa bahay na ko, with a lot of energy still to spare.
Kung ikaw man ay nasa posisyon kung saan parang walang nangyayari sa iyong paglalakad, at ika’y nagsasawa na; Kung pakiramdam mo’y you are meant for something greater at sawa ka na sa kinalalagyan mo; Kung napapagod ka na. . .THEN ALL THE MORE you need to keep walking, keeping in mind that each step (i.e. each day, each effort, each seemingly vain effort) takes you closer to your destiny.
Everytime I get discouraged, I remind myself of what I continually tell other people: “It doesn’t matter whether it is a run, a walk, or even a crawl, the most important thing is that you are moving forward. . .in faith." Kaya lakad lang. Lakad lang nang lakad, makakarating ka rin dun.
However, one time, it seemed that I underestimated what a day could bring: had my duty from 8A-6P; pagod; gutom; uhaw; walang pera pambili ng pagkain at tubig; kinakailangan pang manghiram ng napakabigat na libro sa library; nakauwi na ang mga kaklase; walang load para magpasundo; walang telepono para makatawag sa bahay. Ang tanging meron ako: dalawang limang pisong barya – saktong pamasahe pauwi. Sa aking kauhawan, sumagi sa isip ko for one second na ipambili na lamang ito ng Sarsi at mag-wantutri (1-2-3) sa jeep. Pero gayunpaman, simula ng naging Christian na ko, and pag-wantutri became an impossible option.
Sumakay ako sa jeep at ibinigay ang nag-iisang dalawang barya ko sa drayber. “Boss, Cubao po, estudyante” ang sabi ko. Pagdating sa babaan, oras na para maglakad. Bigla akong nakaramdam ng panghihina nang maisip ko ang layo ng aking lalakarin. Lalo itong nadagdagan ng maalala ko ang aking twenty-pound bag and ten-pound book na dala-dala (seriously, I weighed them). Bumuntong-hininga ako and took my first step.
Now, in order to encourage me, Myself told me: “Sige lang, lakad lang nang lakad, mararating mo rin yan.” I immediately understood what Myself was trying to say (that’s why I love talking to myself). He made me realize: “Oo nga noh, one step takes you closer to your goal. Truth is, it doesn’t matter that much how close it takes you. What matters is that it makes you closer. Closer than before, closer than the minute ago, closer than yesterday, closer than last year. If you’ll focus on the length of the journey, chances are, you may get tired without actually getting tired (gets?). But taking it one step at a time takes you closer and closer, and closer, at hanggang sa hindi mo mamalayan- AYUN! Nandun ka na! You just need to savor every step.” I really got encouraged by this, and true enough, as I was enjoying each step, hindi ko namalayan, nasa bahay na ko, with a lot of energy still to spare.
Kung ikaw man ay nasa posisyon kung saan parang walang nangyayari sa iyong paglalakad, at ika’y nagsasawa na; Kung pakiramdam mo’y you are meant for something greater at sawa ka na sa kinalalagyan mo; Kung napapagod ka na. . .THEN ALL THE MORE you need to keep walking, keeping in mind that each step (i.e. each day, each effort, each seemingly vain effort) takes you closer to your destiny.
Everytime I get discouraged, I remind myself of what I continually tell other people: “It doesn’t matter whether it is a run, a walk, or even a crawl, the most important thing is that you are moving forward. . .in faith." Kaya lakad lang. Lakad lang nang lakad, makakarating ka rin dun.
2 comments:
Running the race...that came to mind when I read this...God bless you more keni^^
Exactly! Running the race, and at times, "walking" the race. There are running times, and there are walking times. At times, there are even "crawling" times. But never ever stop moving forward. :-D
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